literature

New Country Reader X Hetalia

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You opened your eyes and didn't know where you were. You started walking around and then found a huge place. You jumped up to open the door since you were small and grabbed onto the doorknob and opened the door. There were a bunch of of doors all around you. As you looked from left to right there was a loud noise behind you. The noise was shocking to you and got to your curiosity so you decided to go and look to see what that noise was. You walked and the noises were getting louder and louder! You finally got up to the door that was making all the loud noises. You opened up the door slowly to only get a glimpse of the things in the room when all of a sudden, something yelled really loudly on top of everything else saying, "EVERYONE SHUT UP!!" There were a couple of people that were fighting that quickly stopped and questioned, "Germany?!"

You squeaked a little at the voices. Lucky for you, no one heard. Or so you thought. The man named Germany was talking to everyone and one man walked up to you with the biggest smile on his face. He picked you up and raised his hand after Germany said, "Raise your hand and make sure that it doesn't do anything to mock my past." Once he saw the man's hand he said, "Germany recognizes his friend Italy!"

"Germany look! I found a cute little bella~! Can I keep her please?~ I promise to wash her, and feed her, and clean up after her, and..." Italy went on until this one man came up and yelled at Italy saying, "BLOODY WANKER!! She is a new country! You can't just go and treat her like a bloody dog!" The man holding you started panicking and hid behind Germany.

"W-Well..I-I thought that I could have a sister for once! Well France is kinda of a girl but she is a real girl!" There was another man that came up and grabbed you out of Italy's hand. "Yo! I bet you that when she is older she is super hot, what do you think Britain?!" You blushes at this and got grabbed again by the man named Britain.

"Do any of you gits know how to handle new countries?! You need to be gentle with them. Especially new girl countries!" He looked down at you and smiled softly making you smile back and giggle. "What is your name little one?" You looked up and said, "I'm Deila. Well that is my countries name. My real name is ______." He smiled at you again but you got taken away from a man with long blonde hair. It was curly and he said, "Ohononon~ Well how about I be your big brother and you be _____ Bonnefoy?~ How does that sound my little mademoiselle?~" He had on a perverted smile but it still had some care in it and the mixture made you giggle more.

Soon before you knew it, all the people were fighting for you. Some were fighting so for others like this one girl with long brown hair with a frying pan. You jumped out of the one man's arms and started shaking scared until that one man that mad you blush said, "DUDES!! I KNOW HOW WE SHOULD DECIDE!!! We should give her things and whichever gift she likes best, that is her big brother!"

"OR BIG SISTER!!" A few girls yelled at him. Everyone agreed to that and you did too. It was going to be fun with all the attention that you were getting (what kid DOESN'T want attention?) and you were really excited. You were so glad that so many people wanted to be your older sibling to care for you. Everyone introduced themselves to you so you knew who they were. There were so many gifts and all of them were really great!

Who did you choose to be your older sibling?

1. Austria
2. England
3. America
4. Germany
5. Italy/Romano
6. Japan
7. China
8. Hungary
9. Russia
10. Belarus
11. Canada
12. Prussia
13. Spain
14. France
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Link to new information about voting: espeon10.deviantart.com/art/Vo…

Well you can write down the numbers or you can just say the names. I won't put up another chapter but once I do, I will tell you what the present was that you got from your older brother/sister.
Please look at these stories and please vote!
espeon10.deviantart.com/art/Al… and espeon10.deviantart.com/art/Su…
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Othelle's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

I think the way you introduced the reader to the scene was done quite nicely, though not quite original, per say. You managed to keep the characters, well, in character, overall. Though the story is great so far, the beginning was a little off-putting - no offence meant, of course, I just think that maybe a little more description would be good there. I don't understand why people get ticked when the author chooses a country name for them - I know for a fact, some readers like me, have no imagination when it comes to that. I like how you tied up all the loose ends at the end, and I can't wait to see more. Kudos to you!